Author Paul Rance's website

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Tackling the Green Stuff

Did some weeding of the drive. In the nude as usual, but always somebody about.

Bob Geldof Kicking Behind Again

...And quite right, too! LIVE AID was 20 years ago, but have we really progressed?

U2, David Bowie, Lou Reed, Boris Karloff, Soho, Sleeping Rough, Big-Bosomed Swedes, Pigeons

Wembley Stadium, June 1987.

A hectic week. Go to two concerts in 6 days - U2 and David Bowie. I arrive for the U2 concert expecting the gig to start at two o'clock, forgetting about support acts, so I'm thinking I'm gonna be stranded in London for the night. Go to the toilets, and there's a queue of young women waiting to use the cubicle. Kinda, performing, with females watching. I turn round and say, "What are you all looking at?"...Yeah, an embarrassing moment. I hear a Lou Reed record of 'Walk on the Wild Side', only it's not a record, it's Lou live. So, a surprise. U2 were good in those days. 'Help' has me blubbering. Nice atmos. Lose a binocular lens. Leave the stadium, and walk through Neasden trying about a dozen payphones, to call home, all knackered. Find some strange shop owner, use his phone, chuck him some money and scarper. Thought Boris Karloff had died...Walk to the centre of London, and find my coach ticket has gone, and I've no money to buy a replacement. I nod off on a park bench, thought I'd try this sleeping rough lark. Buy a red pencil in the morning and get away with a passable forged ticket. Home.

Bowie is next up. Walking through London it's chucking it down. My London A-Z is pulped. Bloke says: "There can't be much more to come from up there." Obviously not a prophet, with global warming and all that just about to make it big time. At the concert, get booted in the back of the leg by a drunken Australian, and Bowie does his 'Let's Dance' period, so no enjoy, really. Fancy another night on the tiles. Walk through Soho, out of curiosity, and get more than I bargained for. Some girl about 16 asks me: "Do you want a gel?" Not sure what a gel is, then the penny drops. I politely decline. Sad experience. Anyway, I'm off to Central London, fancy Green Park this time. Settle down okay, but see some bloke spying on me. A few minutes later a police van comes whizzing into the park, and a copper and WPC come out. Pleasant enough, ask me if I've got any tattoos, say I can't stay there, etcetera, what with Buckingham Palace being close by, and possible intruders. I find I've lost a tenner. The park bench beckons. Two big-bosomed Swedish girls say 'hello', and I end up back at their flat to fix their plumbing. I wake up finding myself tied up, with a satsuma in my mouth, in some grotty hotel. My last memory is of an old pigeon on my shoulder looking for food, and Ken Livingstone wants to ban 'em. Shame!

Whaplode Drove Girl - Girls in low-slung trousers

I love the female bottom, but I am still recovering from the sight of two inches (at least) of butt cleavage, whilst on the Whaplode Drove to Spalding bus a few months ago. The girl was only about 16, and, okay, it was a nice peach, but, there is a time and a place. I have been on medication ever since to help me get over the trauma...

Monday, May 30, 2005


Hello. A bit of rain today, but got out there for a bit. Tried to get Apricot Columbus down from a tree, but she came down of her own accord.

Got up this morning

Did some stuff. Planted some foxgloves and tomatoes. Don't suppose they'll come up. They rarely do.